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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
- I have to talk to you in private. - Now?
- How so? - TV scares me. It makes everything seem credible.
We'd be in the Senate with our suits on, and if you're backed by something,
- Can I get a refund? - We will continue.
- Because I need it to stay awake. - Do you have any green tea?
With 99% of the vote in, comedian Tom Dobbs has won Texas.
(news anchor) There was some research done saying more and more people
Take a look at this. Take a look at this. Perfect, just perfect.
I decided to run because I'm fed up with party politics.
there's no problem.
Maybe it was sheer vanity, maybe it was a political stunt,
They should be changed frequently and for the same reason. Keep that in mind when you vote. Good night.
Yes. That's how I knew that she was a Delacroy employee and that she was fired.
That reception was extraordinary. I will try and be brief, 'cause I know Tuesday's bingo day in Congress.
Whatever the hell happened, we'll never know for sure.
We have a great show for you tonight, so without any further ado...
Now we got applause. This is wonderful.
If you find any other nonsense you'd like to talk about, I'll be glad to discuss it.
He did make some issues come home to people, and if he could actually follow through,
Forget trying to be presidential. You end up looking like them - another stiff in a suit.
Yes, I thought he was really hot.
(overlapping voices continue)
Jack, you're the manager of the President of the United States.
Eleanor? Hold on.
Everybody Loves Raymond is doing huge numbers in reruns.
- Or maybe helium, 'cause if you have a helium car... - (applause)
Not for me.
- They love him. - Yeah, it's working like a charm.
(Tom) I've read a lot of Op-Ed pieces recently saying that Tom Dobbs doesn't talk about the issues.
- You want me to be the turkey? - Yeah, come on.
Some big story, something to do with Eleanor Green.
But you were voting for change, for the sake of change.
(# They Can't Take That Away From Me)
She didn't seem that crazy.
basically anonymous, but politicians are a lot like diapers.
These politicians today look like they're borrowed from the wax museum.
(scattered laughter)
- But you have your own TV show. - But on the show I ask the questions.
- I'm a producer. I've produced a lot of turkeys. - Yes, you have.
Oh... shit.
- (host) Yeah, there are two of them. - All right.
Did you meet with her personally?
Come on, where's the conspiracy in that? None, really.
Um...
I took a poll, and one third of Congressmen and women thought this was still the present fashion.
I think we can do it. I know we can do it.
- You'll have your turn, Mr. Dobbs. - Sorry.
To Jack Menken, an incredible human being.
(woman) Ellie? Do you want me to get some help?
I notice many of you with little cellphones. Soon they'll get so small they'll just be inside...
- Did that hurt? - Yeah. Yeah.
Oh!
This is where I belong, with folks like you, finding the funk in dysfunctional.
Yes, first opportunity I get I'll pick her up, bring her to the airport.
It's hard to believe it's a year since we've gathered together,
Today I was in the Oval Office on a preparatory meeting
More and more people are watching your show, Jon Stewart, Bill Maher for news.
but to me this decision is a slam dunk.
- How long have you been smoking? - Since I was seven.
She warned the chief executive of Delacroy, James Hemmings,
The following is a quote from our debate advisory standards:
The good news is, all the computer voting systems installed in polling stations remained secure.
Our political leaders are too indebted to special-interest groups and party politics.
- It's my middle name. - Compassion.
You can have a hard-on, but you can't see where to put it.
- (groans) - Let's get you to the hospital.
because it is the future that interests us.
First of all, we don't cluck, we gobble, OK? And if it's not such a big deal, why don't you be the turkey?
Yeah, I'm euphoric, he thinks he screwed up!
(TV) Voter confusion...
- So this is all part of the same computer error? - Yes.
All right, I'll try. I'll look in my GPS or something.
- Pull over. - We are a family at Delacroy.
Because I haven't been...
- (news anchor) And Indiana goes to Dobbs. - (cheering)
The free world will now be led by a comedian.
Eleanor Green, FBI.
So I'll share the big scoop with you, 'cause, uh, Oprah was booked.
I mean, where's the hanging chad?