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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
- WNBC, please hold. - WNBC, please hold.
Horrible.
Very simple. I've thought this through, Robin.
the very beautiful, multitalented...
I gotta go.
# 66 #
In my, um, psychology class, we're studying B.F. Skinner,
Caller: Yes, I do.
# Can't stay pretty 'cause it's just no fun #
I mean, he's probably in a prison cell right now enjoying himself.
The White Man,
Barry, Jerry,
You don't look like Babar. You look gorgeous.
I didn't know if she'd ever come back to me,
Look what I'm doing.
And y-y-you'd figure Howard would pay me back by putting me in his movie!
I'm sorry. We're showing a full load.
and welcome to the new morning show.
You know what it is? It's those yentas you hang around with.
I command you
I mean, think about it.
# Take my tears and... #
Pay $96 a week and don't bring me your problems.
If the place is driving you crazy, don't go there.
Not really. We don't have to tell your parents.
I mean, things really started to take off.
[Gargling]
I'm on the air 5 hours a day. I'm trying to come up with material.
Now the baby is with me!
And don't sing along with the music.
Howard: Hartford ended up being OK, you know.
I'm proud to say.
To your right.
There you are.
OK? And I understand you're a somewhat abnormal person
Howard!
That goddamn motherfucker, you know?
- And you're practically a virgin, right? - [Telephone Buzzing]
you be a man and fire him.
Jesus Christ, who I love so much,
# I'll take you there #
Howard... here's your ticket.
You know, life is very strange.
Yeah.
I think I pulled a muscle in my rib cage.
It's the look of misunderstanding.
Now, Brett, what did you have for us? Blank willow.
You understand me? Ha ha!
the man's immature, you know?
with, you know, millions of listeners, it's...
Now, I'm gonna teach you how to say them, all right?
Center hall plan, very traditional.
Excuse me. I didn't mean to interrupt.
Ooh. Oh.
And maybe it's 'cause I went to college,
in the history of entertainment. I'm not kidding.
I'd still be up there in radio.
Deep, Calm Voice: This is Sunday Blues And Jazz,
First of all, I want to introduce all of you
you mean practice in here now?
Oh, did I miss you!
Howard.
It's 6:45. Temperature is, uh, 58 degrees.
is perfect donkey asshole!
to buy Stern's contract out.
that you feel the same way.
Let's go say hi to Mommy. Come on.
Uh, I don't think you can say "big cock" on the radio.
I'm Howard Stern with you each and every day,
I brought him down...
No, I'm not.
Tell you what. I'm gonna take you down to lmus' office right now,
What'd you take the show off the air for, Pig Vomit? Huh?
Ohh. Thank you.
Ah...
I even got you an office. You're all set.
Dad and son together.
Look, I don't know that I can do this.
is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?
# 66 #
You mommies and daddies out there who complained to the radio station,
by the Federal Communications Commission,
Ah, what the hell do you know, you bastard?
Robin: Yeah. Everybody can hear.
I think we should separate them.
I got to go. See you at midnight tonight.
Good. I'm sorry. I know I told you I'd do this,
and your mother will be so happy.
But who cared? I mean, it was exciting.
Um...
- That motherfuckin'... - [Siren] - [Jackhammer]
Through the roof.
Fuck you 1,000 percent!
or I'll make him so crazy...
- It'll be pleasant today. Rain tomorrow. - [Baby Crying]
because my penis never got any bigger.
Here we are. Let's go over to our Dick Nixon,
Mmm. Give me a kiss. Mmm!
I could see that.
Blank willow.
People are looking at us.
- No. - No, I'm serious.
Why don't you come lay over here and get comfortable?
Oh, man.
Howard In Living Room: I look like Hitler.
I just want you to forgive me.
My name is Howard Stern. I'm the new morning man on CCC.
And chickens, I don't think so.
You're gonna be totally confident that everything's going good
Come on. We're getting wet.
Jeez. Alison.
I think you're a pioneer.
Would you like to go out Friday night?
We destroyed every other station in the market.
that our new sponsor Stanley Sport,
- Oh. - In fact, my wife's eggs are very old.
No. A lot of times, I'm just holding back.
Howard.
They said pretty soon, Roosevelt's going to be nothing but niggers.
I know this director,
You're gonna let 'em throw me out like garbage?
I want you to say "Howard goes to Hartford
Oh, well!
Oh, oh, that's nice. No one's ever touched me like this before.
I think she's running a bath.
You have to respect that.
What are you talking about?
Good-bye!
That was great.
Howard comes to Hartford to become the wacky morning man
They have a lot on their mind.
Well, for this movie, you gotta suspend disbelief.
- You know, I... - Come on.
Robin, as a woman, what is it?
I'm half negro, and Howard's half negro.
Why would I have to go?
I don't... I don't need anyone else in my life.
Robin: Oh, I have to ask her a question.
You're not going to get bashful on me now, are you, Howard?
Th-th-th-there won't even be any sequel!
Joe… You are the motherfucking Antichrist
Hold on. We have a real problem here.
Oh, I bet Kenny has.
Yeah, hi. Can I speak to Kenny?
# Businessmen, they'll #
There's a buzz on the street about it.
Would you mind taking me back to my hotel room?
I'm sure she doesn't have any of these sexual problems.
# To the song they're playing on the radio... #
And at this point, I knew I was gonna score.
I don't need everything in my life to be normal.
# A hit on TV #
which I think is good, too... You know, pump money into the facility.
# Ooh-ooh-ooh dee dee... #
You and I both work for NBC.
Howard: Forget that. Just repeat after me, Ross.
# Said the joker to the thief #
# But you and I, we've been through that #
I'm just trying to get ratings.
Yes, it is.
Mm-hmm.
Pleasure to make your acquaintance this morning, Mama.
# I can't sing #
She's gonna get naked?
You listen to me, you stupid asshole.
Imus: You are interrupting me.
God bless him.
Tongue.
And who knows?
Wow.
Cock-a-doodle-doo.
who cut the brakes on the car.
If you leave your underwear on, then you can't cheat.
- OK. - Thanks.
That's why you hired me.
But my life isn't bad at all.
OK, thanks. Thank you.
CUOMO, GET THE FUCK OUT!!
I was in the program director's office.
We'll be back right after these words.
Give us some more weather.
OK. What's, uh, like, what's the problem?
It is W N BC, W N BC,"
Here. [Passes Gas]
Huh!
We're off the air.
isn't that somethin'?