Jeff Sessions Gump Cold Open - SNL

I ALWAYS SAY, LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CHOCOLATES.

EVER TALKED TO THEM. I GOT SO NERVOUS AND CONFUSED I

HEARD. THEY SAY SHE COULD SELL STINK TO

>> OH, A LOT OF PEOPLE IN ALABAMA REMEMBER THAT, SIR.

I WAS ON THE COVER OF "THE NEW YORK TIMES," YOU WANT TO SEE?

MY NAME'S MINNY, YOU DON'T KNOW ME, I AM FROM A DIFFERENT MOVIE.

>> I WASN'T GOING TO REMEMBER IT ANYWAY.

HELLO. MY NAME IS JEFF, JEFF SESSIONS. WOULD YOU LIKE A CHOCOLATE?

>> ALL RIGHT, WELL I AM GOING TO HAVE ONE.

I AM THE ATTORNEY GENERAL OF THE WHOLE UNITED STATES.

I GOT TO MEET THE PRESIDENT AND EVERYTHING.

HE SHOOK MY HAND LIKE THIS. BEING IN THE GOVERNMENT IS SO

CARROTS. SHE IS THE BEST TALKER YOU EVER

FOLKS WERE THRILLED ON THE ACCOUNT OF IT WAS REAL WORD ON A

ROLL FOR A WHOLE HOUR. WE WAS ALL AS HAPPY AS A MONKEY

MESSAGES AND PHONE ALERTS, SAYING I WAS A SNEAKY LITTLE

I STARTED RUNNING, AND RUNNING. I ENDED ALL THE WAY SITTING AT

THIS BUS STOP WITH YOU. >> WELL IT IS A NICE DAY FOR IT.

WITH A CONGRESSIONAL HEARING. THIS SENATOR FROM UP NORTH

STARTED ASKING ME ALL THESE QUESTIONS ABOUT, RUSSIA, IF I

GOT ABOUT AS WORKED UP AS A DOUBLE DONGED PIGGY IN A ROOM

FULL OF SOWS. SO, I SAID NO, I NEVER TALKED TO

I MET WITH A FELLOW WHO TURNED OUT TO BE RUSSIAN ON THE ACCOUNT

HIS NAME WAS SERGEI KISLEYA. I REMEMBER ANY NAME WITH GAY

I'M GONNA HAVE ANOTHER OF THESE CHOCOLATES.